Lame Goth Sounding Bullshit...

Tireless pursuit, is all I can possibly call my life. I am always attempting to find the right path, the proper present, the ideal situation at least my ideal situation. But whenever I find myself closing in on what seems like perfection it crumbles like sand in between my fingers. I end up rebuilding again over and over stumbling back inevitably every time. Maybe the close proximity I have to my own problems makes it hard for me to see the progress that has occurred, maybe I have made leaps and bounds but am simply my own harshest critic. Either way I constantly wonder what it is that I should be doing to get the most out of my ephemeral existence. That is why I spend so much time doing nothing, because I feel as if I cannot attain my ultimate why bother with anything else. It would be great if I knew what brought about my ultimate form of existent, I would partake in it constantly, but that is the thing I can never focus long enough on one thing any more the way I used to. Drawing, listening to music, reading, it all seems like it is just a pastimes, just an intermission before I spend time truly experiencing life or contributing to it in worthwhile pursuits. What is it that will fulfill this void inside me?